~ pink sunshine. *

when the rain wants to fall but doesn't

song that's on my mind :: can i go now by jennifer love hewitt

it's been pretty boring lately and due to consistent puiblic demand yeah i am now updating. gawd there isn't anything to talk about that's why i ain't updating!! er...

well actually there is but it isn't fit to be published in this blog. ::sigh:: dammit. hm. what's new? i've got a new phone...er...how corny. enrollment is coming up and i havenb't figured out a decent schedule yet...er..talk about lazy. lately i've been so lazy to do anything i swear...i'm even lazy enough to not eat...yeah you heard that right. i've only been drinking lots of coffee. yun lang. corny no?

the church involvement thing is not yet done....grr....yeah and i've got what? two damn weeks. how nice. by the way, i'm planning to go to the hoobastank concert this august 17, 2004 at the folk arts theater. i do hope my parents allow me to go. stellar's gonna come with me if ever we pull through with it. :) at the very least that's the only thing i'm looking forward to next week. how pathetic.

anyways...the reason why i wasn't updating lately was coz i was updating my dj. that thing is updated almost everyday so if you find nothing here, it means that it's all there. :) dammet i can't find the ticket prices of the damn concert online!! er!!

hm.
 
lately i've been very angsty in my other blog. hey, di na ko magpapakaplastic dito. oo naaasar ako and i don't give a damn anymore kung may makabasa pa nito or what. yeah so i'm slightly annoyed that kung umasal sha kala mo i don't exist. it does piss me off and at the same time ok lang kase i guess sanay na ko. ok lang. i mean, it doesn't make a difference naman e. sooner or later din naman maiinis din ako and you know..it's all a vicious cycle din naman. lam mo actually it's kinda unfair on my part na i'm spilling all my beans on my online blogs. i mean, everyone knows what i think tapos ikaw...wala. never did i know what you were thinking. para akong pinagdamot sa mga thoughts mo. you still haven't answered my question (and if you don't remember, it's why) pero di na ko umaasa. i don't care much anymore if we don't talk for the rest of my life. i mean, if this is what you think would be better for both of us then fine. ok. tatanggapin ko. yun yung gusto mo e. may magagawa pa ba ko? one thing's for sure though. one day siguro malamang at sana mapatawad na kita kase kahit ako pagod na ko mainis. pagod na ko sa kakaisip. para kaseng may kaaway kang pader. mainis ka man, sapakin mo man, NR parin, di ba? masaya. sobrang saya. pero alam mo ang galing mo rin kase somehow it works. somehow. the pader strategy is kinda rubbing off on me. konti nalang masasanay na rin ako. hm. yeah whatever. sana nga lang i can hold everything until you graduate. yeah another thing i am duly thankful for na mas maaga kayo gagraduate kaysa sa amin. para naman hindi na kita makita. kung pwede nga lang lilipat na ko ng school e. kung di lang to la salle ginawa ko na. damn. bat ganon...i mean, kailangan bang lahgat ng bagay may kapalit? i mean, this school rocks like hell pero hindi ko maapreciate kase andito ka e. oo alam ko masama ako pero this is how i feel. sorry. sorry kasi naiinis ako at hindi ko mapigilan. ok lang sakin na magalit ka. you have every right to get mad at me for all care. ok lang. magalit ka. magwala ka sa harap ko, kung pwede nga awayin mo ko or sampalin mo ko bakit? may pakialam pa ba ko? wala. kase i'm too tired and too numb to feel anything anymore. that's why. tamo, yung sinasabi nilang selos, di ko an mafeel kase wala nang ibababa yung emotions ko. kumbaga asa zero na sha. wala nag ibababa kase kung bababa pa sha asa negative infinity na. ganun yung feeling ko ngayon. happy?
 
yes i am unfair and yes i am selfish. i know that. i know that very well. hindi mo na kailangan sabihin sakin yun. alam ko na. at kahit ano pa ibanat mo sakin na lait or whatever, wala na. wala na akong pakialam. pagod na ko, all i wanna do is rest. yun lang. take a break from everything. minsan nga naisip ko sana ako nalang si kitel. sana ako nalang yung nasagasaan at nakaLOA ngayon. pero hinde e. ako to. ako si val na nadudurog na pilit hinihila pababa. ako si val na pilit kinakayanan kahit alam na niyang sobrang  sakit na. ako si val na kahit ano man mangyare nagmamahal parin kahit nagmumuka na shang tanga sa harap ng mga taong hindi marunong umintindi sa kanya. iba na talaga. grabe. ano ba ako baliw o hibang o makulit lang talaga? hay. ewan.
 
at sa tanong na kung sino pipiliin mo, ang mahal mo o yung taong ipaglalaban ang pagmamahal para sa iyo..ang sagot ko...actually..the situation is vague. it depends on the specific situation i am in...kung yung mahal ko hindi ako mahal or wala talagang potential na mahalin ako..well then asa pagtanggap ko nalang yun di ba? if not..kung may potential naman then make him fall. :) hehe..kung yung taong mahal ako...well i'd give him a chance. kase wala naman mawawala sakin kung bigyan ko siya ng chance di ba? besides, i like being adored. madaling mahalin ang mga taong sumasamba sayo.
 
ohkay, i think i have said enough...too much in fact. sa mga natamaan ko in one way or another, sorry. soryy this is my blog. :) you shouldn't give a fuck about it. you risk getting hurt or getting pissed off once you read this so...pasensyahan nalang. :) will log out now. got class. :)

 
p.s. in fairness i do feel a little bit better getting that off me...

posted by ~* sowelu @ 1:34 PM