Wednesday, August 04, 2004

dunno what to say.

first off, today was terrible. i don't wanna elaborate.

secondly i'm very much overwhelmed by the responses i've been getting. thanks so much to those who posted. now at least i've come to a sort of conclusion about it...yeah and you know what it is..sad no? la lng..

when i got into the bus tonight on my way home the tv was on Te Amo, Maging Sino ka Man, some pinoy telenovela and the scene was that Colette (the female antagonist) was holding a gun at Rosela (leading lady) and was attempting to kill her coz hse was madly in love with Fernando (lead guy) who was Rosela's true love and the one she as supposed to marry. just whe she was about to pull the trigger (with her raging and ranting about how much Rosela was like the thing that kept her from being with Fernando), the guy shows up and saves the day. then he says something like "Colette you gotta listen, i know i've caused you so much pain and trouble but i want you to move on now...i love Rosela and nothing's gonna change that. if you're gonna hurt her you gotta go through me first.." and i was like..er...i wanted to kick the tv if only i wasn't too tired and wasn't on a public utility bus. anyways, the scene got stuck in my mind and well..yeah i was toying with the idea of going to extremes, you know, going out there with a gun and shooting someone. no really. but hey i won't do that, promise. i've always been the laid back person (naks!). i would never go out hunting for some girl just because she's the one he loves. i'm not that crazy yet. i may hate her like a lot but i won't go bonkers and shoot her or anything. i'm not like that. :)

anyways, yeah it sucks how these telenovelas could actually tell the story oif your life. the only difference is that there's no happy ending. yep yep yep. the damned happy endings are just illusions that make us feel better for the protagonist. how pathetic the way these things work. damn.

*goes to the kitchen and gets herself something to eat*

yeah i'm doing this while eating and chatting with amiel..really cool dude...friend of myk and ross..st guy...really cool..swear.. :)

*goes off somewhere for a while*

so there. :sigh: i'm sleepy now. amiel and myk's past love lives are like drunk swirling in my head now..that's what you get for talking to two *brokenhearted* guys at the same time...er...wah!! i'm sleepy..

it's suddenly so clear, like there's this big big sign in front of me. like light from a passageway..but then it hurts my eyes. like i wanna reject the light..the warnth..the freedom it could offer. coz i still love you and i'll have to let it go. kahit masakit.

i'm seriously thinking of tranferring schools. if not schools then colleges. i'm serious. i know it's stupid to let go of the most prestigious school just because of someone but..i dunno. i feel like i just wanna get away. i'm seeing my former school as a home that i cold just run to and sek shlter from all this rain..but i can't coz i gotta stick to this.

ayoko na. pagod na ko. at wala na ring saysay kung ipaglalaban pa kita.

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