until the sun dies
i sat out on the porch, a warm cup of coffee in my hands. i thought of last night. i thought of the fire that burned when i said those hateful words. i thought of how much--or how little you've left me with whenever i asked something of you.i looked at the horizon, the dying light of the sun sending rays up to the clouds shrouded in the dark blue of the coming night. i missed you. i missed you so bad but apparently you did not feel the same way. sometimes i wish the sky would swallow me up. because sometimes i don't know who's the one to blame. i can't trust myself anymore. it's scary when it comes to that point. when i'm so lost in my rage that i don't see you anymore. it's like, there was a whole new universe placesd between us everytime you talk like that. everytime you'd hide away. everytime you shut me out of your world.
i've seen you walk away too many times. to the point that i'd never notice the door open and close anymore. i wish you hadn't. i wish you'd stop doing this because everytime you do, it becomes all crazy. it defies every word you said. every word you said suddenly becomes so empty and meaningless. that's the part when i start to cry because i realize that this is all a joke. that you never meant anything. ANYTHING. but then again it doesn't matter now because you're in that "gone" state again. you're in that state when you're like a million miles away from me, and you won't say a word, not a word about anything we've ever done. because you live inside secrets. you live inside whispered words and closed doors. i can't do that. i just can't do that anymore. because fire needs to breathe. the flames need the air to move them to their dance. i'm not like you. i'm not like the still waters that only ripple at the winds. i needed my freedom. and having you in my life just doesn't give me enough room to fly.
i keep wishing for that day when i'd see the real you. until then i'm trying. until then, i'm still the one to watch you walk away.
i didn't notice when tears fell. the sun was dying. and so was i.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home