raindrops falling...just falling.
i loved sheena's post. hehe. can't help but really be inspired by the things she says. :) thanks diyosa ko. mahal kita. :)hay. i still haven't finished my mp. not that i'm having second thoughts. it's just that i'm disappointed that i haven't finished it yet. and i'm planning to get a 3.0 and above on this course. another thing is the manacon thing which we screwed up on hte first part of the business case. hay. leche. then there's the maccoms thing which i hope i do not fail...i hate that subject!! ggrr!! oh well. anyways, tomorrow we've got a dept exam on compro2 and right noew i'm too sleepy to study so i'll do that tomorrow. shit. wah! ang hectic ng bukas ko..and come to think of it...ayan. nawala yung thought kase ngym ako. hay, never mind. inaantok na kase ako e...
sheena agrees with me about the raindrops blog. i'm gonna leave it be for a while. i need to think. without all the angst and stuff. i have to make it through without all the bad memories and the sama ng loob. i need my freedom. i desperately need my freedom. i have to fly away and find it.
sheena, you're right. and somehow he's helping me do it. he's avoiding me (at least i think so) and right now the time i spend with him is like the limit of something as x approaches infinity. shit. anmath. well anyway, yun.
kahit nga masakit, malungkot and everything, it's like a requirement to pass this term in my life. and it sucks. coz right now i feel emptier than ever. i feel like half of my everything got lost...like half of my everything was taken away by the wind. sayang.
i keep thinking na sayang lahat yun para itapon nalang ng basta basta. pero kailangan e. since it didn't mean much to both of us, i guess kailangan lang talaga kalimutan at magkunwaring lahat ay ok na kahit sa loob ko gusto ko na humgulgol. masakit na pinapatay ko sarili ko dahil dito. pero bakit ba tayo namamatay? di ba para mabuhay tayo muli? sana ganun kadali.
pansin ko na hindi parin nawawala yung galit ko sa kanya. naroon parin ang hinanakit sa thought na everything was a lie. may magagwa pa ba ako? wala na e...sana lang sinabi mo sakin kung bakit. kase un nalang yung tanong na di mo pa nasasagot. bakit. pero sige..ok lang. sabi mo hindi mo masagot e. ok lang yun. one day malalaman ko rin yan. now is just not the time. parang now was not the time for us. ganun lang yun.
i keep telling myself...if only it was that easy. it will be once i get past this. how can i get rid of the memories? everywhere i go i'm reminded of you. i believed in your sincerity. and you told me it was a lie. i wouldn't believe you. i would not believe you when you say you never wanted any of it. you know why? because i know sincerity when i see it. and i know you're decent enough to mean what you say and do. i know you're decent enough not to use me. i believe you when you say u care. alam kong nahihirapan kang ipakita yun. pero the fact na sinabi mo is enough for me to believe. feeling ko nga ngayon sobrang nawala na lahat, kahit yung simpleng malasakit mo para sakin as a friend. pero umaasa akong hinde. umaasa akong praning lang ako and that it's just all in my head.
right now i'm only wishing for this on my birthday. i wish for my peace of mind...and yours, and that everything would be alright again between us. kahit wala na celebration, gifts and everything. basta magkaayos lang tayo masaya na ko.
kailangan liparin ng hangin
lahat ng alaalang unukit mo
sa isipan ko.
paano ko magawang limutin
at harapin ang bukas
nang walang buwan na nagbibigay
liwanag sa gabi ko.
bakit kailangan mawala ang lahat
gayong hindi naman masamang magmahal
alam kong hindi masamang umibig
pero isinialpak ang langit ko
sa impiyernong ito.
wala nang pagasa sa pagsilang
ng aking araw, sa liwanag na dati'y dala mo.
wala nang matitira sa akin
dahil ang lahat ng ito
na inalay ko sa iyo
tinangay na ng hangin
kasama ng alaala mo.
did i just write a poem in filipino? this is so not me. told you i'm not myself. :) see you.
[edit] sheena's lovely post...
oh. yah i think itll do you good if you leave the raindrops blog.
some sort of sign, a really huge sign, has come up. im not sure if you've noticed it, but as the storm ( i mean the real storm, the storm, the bagyo) wreaks havoc up north, while the storm gets nearer and stronger, andito ka, moving on, braving the storm. you have decided to leave, to move out and seek shelter somewhere else. somewhere dry--a place where your cup of ashes wont get wet. habang palakas ng palakas ang ulan, at nagiging bagyo ang mumunting patak (thus raindrops) ng ulan, lalo kang lumalakas.
di nga rin ako naniniwala na fire ka eh. it all connects--heaven, rain, flying. you have the POWER to control the rain, to brave the rain. anu k ba talaga? diyosa ka ba ng ano? :D
at isa pa. YOU CANNOT MAKE HIM FLY AWAY FROM YOU, VAL. he isnt a phoenix. he doesnt have the capacity to fly. you cant let go of him by making him fly away from you. ikaw ang lilipad. ikaw ang lilipad papalayo kasi IKAW ang PHOENIX.
he says that he is a saint. living saints don't fly to heaven STRAIGHT. unless... they're dead, of course.
unlike you. neither sinner, nor saint, in this realm, YOU ARE A GODDESS.
actually, WE ARE.
:D
love, unpretty. :)
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