yosi *reposted*
lumubog na ang araw at ang naririnig ako na lamang ay ang hampas ng alon sa tabi dalampasigan. nakaupo ako at nakatingin sa malayo, kahit ang kadiliman lang ang natatanaw.
nagsindi ako ng yosi. di ko mapigilan. kailangan ko malibang sa pagiisip. biro mo, isang taon na makalipas nang una kong maramdaman ang pagsalpak ng langit at impyerno sa iisang saglit. kakaiba. malakas ang tama. pero, nakakamatay. hindi ko nga alam kung paano ko ito nalampasan e.
a oo nga pala. yosi. naalala ko pa nung una niyo ako nakitang nagyosi. para kayong nakakita ng multo, sa totoo lang. pero...ok lang sa inyo yun. nasanay rin kayo sa akin. bale wala na nga ata sa inyo kahit sampung yosi ang ibuga ko nag sabay sabay e. pero nakita ko yung tingin mo sa akin...yung kakaiba mong tingin nung nagyosi ako sa harap mo at sa sinisinta mo. yun yung panahon na una mo akong pinakilala sa kanya bilang nakaraan mo. ang pangit. naalala ko pa reaksyon ko nun. bumuga lang ako ng usok ng yosi. yun lang. nakakamanhid pala yung yosi. hehe.
eto ako ngayon, yosi parin ang inaatupag. mula sa dalampasigan naririnig ko ang barkadang nagkukulitan sa inupahan nating cottage. nagtatalo nanaman ata sila sa kakainin para sa hapunan. sa bagay, gutom na rin ako. kumakalam na tiyan ko at wala pa akong nakakain simula nung tanghali. yosi nalang talaga.
hoy baka gusto mo nang kumain..hinihintay ka na nila sa loob...ay. ikaw pala yun. buga ng usok.
oo susunod na ako. tapusin ko lang 'to. sabay tiktik ng stick upang matanggal yung abo. sanay ka na talaga sa katarayan ko.
imbis na iwanan ako, umupo ka sa tabi ko.
ano ba talaga problema? matagal ko nang sinasabi sa iyo na..narito pa rin naman ako para sa iyo bilang kaibigan, hindi ba?heh. buga ng usok.
lam mo...ang kulit mo rin e. di ba sabi ko sa iyo ok lang ako? just because nagyosi ako doesn't mean may problema.halatang hindi ka naniwala sa sinabi ko.
lam mo...ok lang na maadik ka e. pero wag lang sana sa isang bagay na nakakamatay. pansin ko kasi na parami na ng parami yung yosi mo sa bawat araw na lumilipas e..gusto mo malaman ang totoo?tinitigan mo ako sa mata. sige. titigan tayo.
sa tingin mo bakit ako nagpapakahirap makalimot? sa tingin mo bakit kung ano ano na ginagawa ko sa sarili ko para lang hindi ako magisip? pucha naman. manhid ka ba? o bulag? mahal parin kita.oo. shit. san nanggaling yun? lasing na ata ako.
tumahimik ka bigla.
so...totoo nga yung sinasabi nila...inirapan kita sabay buga.
muka ba akong nagloloko? muka bang joke lahat ng ito? di naman ako magkakagulo ng ganito kung hindi e...ina naman o...
sorry...
baket?!
kase... oo tama yan. magtitigan tayo. kinuha mo ang yosi sa kamay ko at hinagis sa malayo layo.
shit! ano ba!tiningnan mo ako sa mata. tinitigan kita. at di ko na alam kung ano nangyare sunod dahil nalasahan ko na yung yosi sa mga labi mong napakatamis...sa labi mong miss na miss ko nang halikan.
nagyoyosi ka rin? bulong ko nang ika'y bumitaw.
oo...
ang pagibig, ganyan talaga, masaya
posting this for everyone to see. it's a short story i made on october 20, 2004. comments please! :p oh yeah and the song's related to the story so..un. super ganda nung song kaya ayun..nakagawa ren ako ng short story..hehe..nabasa na to ni ellen...nagcomment na ren siya.. :p
***
i walked around the room..listening to the twilight sounds, the clock ticking, telling me it's one in the morning. pacing in your living room i see pieces of you around..your books, your notes, your guitar..i miss you even more, being intoxicated just by their presence. i hear you shuffling your feet as you come down the stairs...
i ask you if they're asleep.
you say yes.
kanina pa.i nod in return.
i avoid your gaze coz i know it hurts. it's too gravitational. i can't breathe while looking at you.
i say
good night. matutulog na ako. you say alright. i go upstairs and pass the guest room. everyone's asleep.
i enter the other room and find a bed made for me. i smile at the thought of you fixing it for me. looking out the window i hear the neighbors playing some opm song.
Ang pag-ibig, ganyan talaga
'Pag bago pa ang pag-ibig
Ganyan talaga, masayai sit on the bed and can't help think about everything that happened. memories flood my head and i find myself teary eyed. i hear you outside the door. next thing i know you're taking my hand, lifting me up into an embrace. you hold my like you're never gonna let go..and i go weak again.
i'm sorry, i hear you whisper in my ear. i'm silent for a few seconds. i look at you.
im not..i smile through the tears. i could see the tiny lights in your eyes despite the darkness. i don't want to fall. i can't possibly fall. coz i know you won't catch me...
you look at me in that weird/funny/sweet way and through my tears i can see your sincerity, i can see that you care. and it breaks down this wall i have, this mistrust i have for you. it breaks everthing in me i thought was strong.
you wipe away my tears and tell me i'm pretty when i smile. and so i do. i look at you and it feels like i'm locked in this state forever. then there's the gravity.
i'm fighting this want to kiss you. the way you linger inches away is killing me. i wanna make you feel how much i love you. i wanna hold you and not let go. i wanna give you everything even if i have no idea what that everything meant.
right now is a moment i wanna be in forever. right now is my heaven. though it pains me to know you're never gonna be mine, even in this moment i want you to know how much i love you. how much i wanna be with you, by your side, just there, holding your hand.
please stay..i'm crying on your shoulder and i know you don't mind. you find me funny and i smile through my tears.
i will. i promise..i hold your hand. i know everything's gonna be alright.
ang pag-ibig, ganyan talaga. masaya.~*~
Ako'y malungkot na naman
Amoy chico na ako
Ilang tagay na, hindi pa rin tulog
Tanong ko lang sa langit
Kung bakit pumangit
Ang dating masaya
Ngayo'y panay problema
Bumabalot sa mundo
Bakit ganito...
Ang pag-ibig, ganyan talaga
'Pag bago pa ang pag-ibig
Ganyan talaga, masaya
Pagkagising ko
Nakita ko si Juan
Na siyang adik sa aming lugar
Parang droga daw ang bisa
Na ginamit nya kanina
Sa una lang daw masarap
Ang pag-ibig, ganyan talaga
Ako'y nilamon ng pag-ibig
Ganyan talaga, masaya
~ masaya, bamboo
paradigm shift
[:music:] naked - avril lavigne
[:mood :] depressed but thankful
it's been around three weeks since i updated mah pretty little blog! there's been so much stuff that's been going on and i'm pretty much happy with it. :)
academically i'm doing well, i'm proud to say. i haven't failed a single quiz/test/assignment since the start of the term and yup, i'm super happy about that. syanad2 is good, andrea joined our group coz hers got dissolved and vangie did not enroll coz of some stuff. anyways there...everything is sort of going well..we're starting to program the system thingy already and i'm kind of excited to see the final outcome. :) dbapdev is fun! i have erik, gino and thirdy as my groupmates and well, we dohave fun doing all the dbapdev stuff. :) erik and i got to know each other even more and i'm really thankful for that. kewl. objectp is...weird. haha! we've got cisco now and this week was cisco exam week. :p my scored so far were 72.3, 74.6, 84.0, and 59.3 *chapters one to four respectively* and yeah..the fourth one sucked coz i wasn't able to review the chapter that i read like days ago. heh. at least i still got my average above 70 which is the passing score. anyways, anmath1...man i never thought anmath1 could be this fun! :p i actually understand 90% of everything so far and i even got a 87% on our first quiz! yipeee!!!
yeah well i sound like a total academic freak coz there's nothing else i can put my mind to. seriously! i've been so determined to get this thing straight that well..i guess it's pulling through. :p
hey there's this gig thing in st. scho on the 12th and kitchie nadal, bamboo and spongecola are gonna be there as far as from what i heard. :)
so there. basically that's it. that's the happy side of it. :) *happy!!!*
