so much for my happy ending
i'm not gonna be posting anything here for a long time...i'm also thinking of deleting this though i've written a lotta stuff...
i just wanna say thanks for ruining everything. thanks for popping into our lives and just taking away the only thing that made my life meaningful in gokongwei. thanks for all the lies, it almost made me believe, though. you've practically got everything and you just had to take him too. well thanks anyway.
anyways, goodbye for now. i'm gonna miss this blog. you know where to find me. i know you do.
i'll always love him. but right now i'm thinking that it wasn't me who threw it all away. it was him. it's his loss, not mine. go catch your falling star. i hope she loves you the way i do.
~ wag ka magalala...hindi ikaw yung panakip butas. hindi ikaw yung pampalipas oras niya. nagawa ko na yang tungkulin ko sa kanya noon.
random poem. sucks.
[:music:] somewhere in between - lifehouse
[:mood :] sleepy..
pretty butterfly tears
stinging my eyes
find my peace as i walk away
and find God
instead i find you
the pain you bring
each time i look and see
the love you have for her
breaks me
into pieces
on the chapel floor
where i cried and no one
could hear me
except for God
whom i thought
would make things better for me
for you
for everything i thought
we had.
i lost.
i lost a lot
and in this time
i cannot bear to see
what i've lost
and what she thinks
she hasn't found.
this deity of darkness
cries for everything
for the love that no one
could ever understand,
for the love that no one
even bothered to care for
and so it died along with me.
when i tried to resurrect
even more shadows led me on
to the lies you created
to make me believe
that you were there
even if you never were.
these tears shall be frozen in time
with you as a reason
for everything i believed in
for the love i lived for
the love that you never returned
for the love you killed
those white doves on the bridge
i crossed today.
remember how you slaughtered my white doves? the one that became my hope, my strength, my peace...remember when you led me on to think that hope was everything at the moment. remember that someone whom you promised to be there for even after the rain. remember me.
when all your lies become the truth
She's got a pretty smile it covers up the poison that she hides
She walks around in circles in my head waiting for a chance to take me a
Chance to break me a chance to take me down now i see this burden you gave me is too much to
Carry too much to bury inside i guess you're the only one that nobody changes
I guess you're the only one left standing when everything else goes down
You're still the only one, you're still the only one
It's all shallow and all so appealing I'm up to my ankles and i'm drowning
Anyway in a sea of sarcastic faces familiar places where everything looks
Quite the same here it's all confusingly amusing bitter and tainted
The picture you painted to me i guess you're the only one that nobody changes i guess you're
The only one left standing when everything else goes down you're still the only one
Who will never change faces i guess you're the only one left standing
When everything else goes down just 'cause it's all in your head
Doesn't mean it has to be in mine don't believe what you said still can't get it out of my mind
I've tried to find myself in approval i've already been there already done that it got me nowhere
It brought me nothing but a good place to hide in no one to confide in now
I guess you're the only one that nobody changes i guess you're the only one who will never
Change faces i guess you're the only one
~lifehouse, only one
ever wondered why lies can lead to the truth?
bulong ng ilaw sa kalsada sa gabi
naiinis parin ako sa kanya ngunit nagpipigil nalang ako. nakahinga naman ako kaninang hapon nang tumambay ako sa gox. halos wala na kasing tao nung sinundo ako...nakapagisip ako at...mejo nawala galit ko. nakita ko yung buwan. sa labas kasi ako naghintay ng sundo. tapos yung ilaw ng kalsada...ang ganda. manilaw nilaw na parang ginto...at ang buwan na namumutla...nakikipagdebate ang isipan ko sa aking puso...hindi ko maiwasang isipin na purong kasinungalingan lamang ang lahat ng ito. masakit, natural, pero...kailangan ko maniwala muli..kung gusto kong maibalik ang dati kong tiwala sa kanya. mahirap, pero gagawin ko.
miss na miss ko na siya. miss ko an siyang kausapin sa ym sa gabi...yung aabot kami ng alas dos ng umaga...miss ko a siyang batiin sa umaga na may kasamang yakap, miss ko na siyang titigan habang gumagawa ng project sa tambayan...miss ko na siyang makatabi...miss ko nang hawakan yung kamay niya..kase..wala lang. miss ko na siyang ihatid sa klase niya...miss ko na maramdaman yung yakap niyang sobrang higpit...miss ko na yung paglalambing niya sakin..at gayon din ako sa kanya...higit sa lahat miss ko an siyang mahalin nang walang halong galit at hinanakit...miss na miss na kita. kung alam mo lang.. :(
ang hirap kapag gusto mo ipakita sa kanya yung nararamdaman mo..pero hindi pwede...dahil nariyan ang ibang taong mambabastos ng kung ano mang sagrado mong dinadala sa araw araw, ang pagibig mong hindi kasing laki ng mundo, ngunit maliit lamang, na minamaliit ng iba, pero para sa iyo...yun na yung buhay mo e..ang hirap pigilan ang nararamdaman ko. at gusto ko iparamdam sa iyo. duguan na kamay ko sa pagpipigil.
God has his ways
[:music:] stole - kelly rowland
[:mood :] good
i think i need to post this here too..it's kinda...i dunno..it goes with the white theme thing...*er?!?!* :p
i'm feeling as if history is repeating itself and i can't help but get caught in the tidal wave. feels good to feel better. yeah, these hellish mood swings are getting the better of me and i can't let that happen now. not when i still got a chance to make things better.
i talked to jane earlier *online!!* and we were talking about..the stuff i've been going through for the past few days. she says i've been thinking too much and it's just all mood swings that the people around me should not be taking too seriously *jane knows me so well...:p i miss her...i miss the way she knows what's going on in me when i haven't got a clue or when i'm lost*...she knows better than to be annoyed at me whenever i attempt to bitch out on her. funny coz we like..have the same astrological signs yet she understands me..usually two people of the same signs like...repel or something...instead jane compliments my being emotional and stuff. she compliments my walking on cloud nine coz she's one down to earth person who's got a sensible head on her shoulders. i love that girl. :) *wow what is this? testimonial time?* anyways, it's really fun to know that someone knows you so well despite the time and distance. it's so comforting to know that someone still knows you...coz...it's just so frustrating that the people who stick to you everyday don't see what's beyond that imperfection...it's just so sad that they can't dig any further just because of some stupid misconception. i mean, really...is it that easy to give up on someone? ok maybe i'm wrong to be comparing them to jane...coz jane is my bestfriend but still...these people i care about are the only ones i have when i'm about to break down into shit and i don't think they'd give a damn if i do. it's so frustrating at the same time it makes me appreciate the other people in my life more.
i can't help but think...does it really have to be this way? that there's this invisible glass ceiling that's keeping us from soaring to the sky? does it have to be this way? that there's a limit to the height that we can fly?
right now i'm just so thankful that i still have jane, krystle, sheena and sam with me. coz if it weren't for them, i'd probably have killed myself by now. they're the only constant things in my life right now and that's the only thing i'm holding on to. coz everything else is faltering. there isn't much hope, but i'm hanging on. coz krystle was right. when this hate turns into love, it'll be the greatest thing.
i'll be waiting. i'll be waiting for all this to turn back into God's love. i'm counting on that.
bitter
ripped this from unpretty's blog...i like it...
In my heartsent my confession my condolence,
You're indefinite you're incompetent inconsiderate.
You're so childish,
I will push you out of what is real out of my head.
You can stick and drown at your residence of dissapointments,
Are of yours to come.
So embrace them oh my shallow one today,
If I could change anything then I would change everything.
These bitter days shall remain.
I don't ask for your forgiveness I don't care much for your actress.
That's just you though shallow and selfish.
So I go now oh my hollow one today.
If I could change anything then I would change everything.
These bitter days shall remain.
So carry your blues behind your eyes,
Don't flatter yourself I will survive.
So carry your blues your own denial.
Your feathers are gone you'll never fly.
If I could change anything,
Then I would wipe the years away.
If I could change anything,
Then I would wipe the years away.
If I could change anything,
Then I would change everything.
These bitter days shall remain.
Since you're gone I'm much better than you.
So carry your blues behind your eyes,
Don't flatter yourself I will survive.
So carry your blues your own denial.
Your feathers are gone you'll never fly.
She'll never fly.
~ bitter, nine days
sunshine
[:music:] better off - ashlee
[:mood :] hungry
so what? i'm better off everyday, when i'm standing in the pouring rain, i think of you and everything's alright...
one thing i have to remember. nakakapagod rin mainis. i mean, really. that's why this week i have to put all my feelings aside coz it's midterms week and i can't let them get into mah nerves, right? i've screwed up three out of four terms and i can't let that happen again.
kahapon i saw them kahit sabi niya di siya papasok kasi she's not feeling well. ok lang. ano pa ba magagawa ko? wala. eh yun. la na yun. kung masama man loob ko kahapon yun. ngayon? heh. nakakasawa na mainis eh hindi naman nirerecognize na naiinis ka so..yun. sayang lang energy mo. hay. lintek. yang introdb pala namin..yun na rin gagawin namin sa java-01! magsusuggest na nga rin ako kay sir kung pwede yun na rin yung isubmit para isang project lang gagawin da ba? la lng.
anyways, it's sunday again..and i can't wait til christmas. maybe i just need a break from them. ang weird kasi..pag di ko siya nakikita hinahanap ko. pag anjan gusto ko hagisan ng kung ano mang mabigat na bagay. haha! weird.
bakit sunshine yung title ng post ko? kase...ayan. maaraw e. saka...despite all the !@#$^&* i'm feeling, umaaraw parin. parang...sinasabi sakin na despite all the hardships i'm gonna be happy again. weird no? wala lang. maybe i should stop caring nalang about it..about them. bahala na. ayoko kasi ng ganun. yung nagpipigil sila just because masasaktan ako. pakshet. duh! e di maging kayo, kung gusto niyo, di yung magpipigil na ewan..nakakirita e. lumalabas tuloy na ako yung kontrabida. bleh! whatever! *hindi ako galet promise.* wala lang share ko lang. :p
ayun..kakain na raw kami. lech nmn gusto ko pa magdrama e. wahahaha..basta you get the point. pipigilan ko magalit. masama yun e. :p *besides, la nmn ako ryt magalit e*
life is a road i wanna keep going
[:music:] senti stuff from kitel and eunice
[:mood :] senti nga e..
after everything that happened in the past few days i came to realize that i have to have more faith in the real things around me. these emotions tht try to break me are merely that--emotions. i should be stronger than that. i should know how to be grounded on what's real and what's merely concluded by the eyes.
it feels sad and at the same time serene that i have come to see the difference between what is real and what is just an illusion created by my overactive brain. i've finally seen the dark and i'm leaving the place of hate. i'm beginning to see God's point in all this. i'm beginning to realize that i am stronger than these emotions and that i have to transcend all pain.
communication works wonders for two people. svet and i had quite a long conversation and i'm glad that we talked about things i never thought i could talk about to her. :) i'm finding my trust in her again and it's good to be back in good terms with her.
i have to trust again. i have to believe the sincerity he has and i'm finding it really hard. i'm finding it hard coz it hurts me to know that i lost my trust in you when i'm not supposed to. i'm hanging on to this faith.
genuine friendship is built on disclosure.
and i believed in the light after dark. :) now's the time to fly. *and no, i won't be leaving anyone behind. :)*
friends (a must read. promise.)
[:music:] losing grip - avril lavigne
[:mood :] okay
[note] i know this is terribly long, but hey. i mean every word. must read specially for svet. ;)
The Purpose Driven Life Chapter 11: Becoming Best Friends With God
funny how the chapter had something to do with friendship..last night was the weirdest night of my life..come to think of it, a similar incident happened around last school year this time concerning jason and at that time his attitude.
well anyways what really happened last night was far more complicated. i was talking to sheena and ellen over yahoo messenger while creating this really cool wallpaper when svet messaged me saying she knew i was mad at her and that she was sorry though she knew not the reasons why i "hated" her so much. i tried to pretend not to be mad, saying there wasn't any reason to be but she got disconnected so she called me on my cell phone. i answered it and to my surprise she was crying to me over the phone i was like, "what the hell is going on, why are you crying?!" then she tells me she was sorry for whatever she had done wrong and i was huh?? then she tells me "i read your blog. the red one." [my ever loving deadjournal] right then i felt like the world stopped spinning. i was speechless. there was dead air for like..more than ten seconds. finally i blurted out "you read that?" she said "yeah.." and i was like..ggrrr..."you weren't supposed to read that dammit!" then she told me how she managed to stumble upon the journal *won't tell you how--my fault anyways* and how she managed to read my hate post about her (not meant for her read though). so i felt like my world was tumbling down on me again..i thought she knew everything. by everything i mean the things i've been deliberately keeping from her since we became friends. yes this concerns a lot more than what she does think, i know. i asked her what else did she read and somehow it was weird coz even though my dj is like the dead giveaway to my spo called secrets, she still has no idea about them. or so she says. whatever the case may be, i don't know..i still haven't thought about it yet.
anyways, after quite a long talk..well not really long coz most of it was dead air..she proposed something to me. she said that she'd tell me everything and in return i'd tell her everything. come to think of it things weren't this complicated with other people i've tried to befriend. anyways, i thought about it. i told her i'd think about it after all the academic shit goes away. pearl and ellen kept nagging me to tell svet everything and i just didn't know what to do.
so there. that was basically it. this is what's bugging me right now. to tell her or not to tell her. people keep saying that she is my friend and she is involved and that she should understand what i'm gonna tell her but like 99% of me is telling me to get a grip on myself, shut up and try to be at peace with myself, if not pretend to be okay.
what can i say? it's hard. at times i do wanna tell her but...something's telling me not to. first i guess because i'm the one who's gonna look utterly stupid for saying what i have to say. it's not right. it's not nice to hear from someone like me. i don't want this out in the open. it's an old issue that needs to die fast coz it's ruining my relationship with svet. it's ruining me. and i have to get a grip before i go insane. this thing is just a fruit of what's been going on lately, from what sheena has been saying..our talk last friday really cleared my mind and emotions on what i really feel. and i didn't like it at all. it's not nice to be feeling this way towards someone who has nothing against me and who hasn't done anything wrong to me.
doesn't this just suck? yeah. and so i go reading the chapter on purpose driven life hoping to find a little light in this darkness that i'm in right now. i keep telling myself not to hate anyone anymore...to stop it..coz i'm pushing people away by doing so..and it's not good. i've lost him as it is and i don't wanna lose him as a friend too. and i don't wanna lose svet either. yeah you heard that right. despite how much i'm annoyed at her..she still means something to me. we may not be that close...but the fact that she shed tears in the name of our friendship, it means a lot to me. not even my best friend did that for me. or at least i think so.
thinking this all over i'm s tempted to just let it all out and be honest...i'm tired of living a lie. i'm tired of all these secrets i'm hiding, all this hate, all this confusion. i just wanna be free. and that's why i am seeking God's help again. and yes, he managed to give me a few hints.
as i said, the chapter was all about being friends with the Lord. the first step or way to do so was
through constant conversation. the first person i thought of when i read that was svet. i remembered how we weren't talking to each other lately and how we were keeping things from each other. it led me to the real meaning of friendship..the real essence of it, and it's far from what svet and i have...despite the fact that we do care about each other, there's still a lot of holding back because of issues about myself that she wants to know about. i'm beginning to see that this is how much she cares and i don't wanna break that. it just isn't right.
a line that struck me in the segment was this:
the key to friendship with God...is not changing what you do but changing your attitude toward what you do. what you normally do for yourself, you begin doing for God... it reminds me so much about the first thing i ever learned from this book and that is to love unconditionally. love without asking anything for return. this is how i could transcend the pain and see things in a different way.
another way to be God's best friend was
through continual meditation. lately i've been thinking too much and i think i've been meditating on the wrong things again. i feel like the negative side of things are starting to get the better of me again and it's about time i get hold of them. coz chances are, when they win over me, i'm not only gonna tear myself apart, but also those who care.
in this situation anyone would say that this sucks. i'd definitely agree. but sometimes i need to see the better side of things, like my growing friendship with svet. i have to remember my reason why i befriended her in the first place. i have to remember why i made her my friend. and i have to remember that no matter how simple our friendship may be, it means a lot to her. coz she values her friends a lot. and hey, i'm one of them, ain't i?
no matter how much i debate with myself i know i'm gonna end up deciding not to tell her. but hey, who knows. things change. they really really really do. i may have faltered when i started to change but i know i can get through this. God is watching over me and we do have faith in each other. i haev faith in Him that he'd guide me in this and he's got faith in me that i could make it.
know what? these are the best words i've ever heard for the past few days.
i want to thank you for all the good times we shared...most especially nung last term ng first year...i won't ever forget that...in case you didn't know that i really appreciate you....in case you didn't know how much i value that things we shared..i guess i wasn't able to tell you that..
svet, i'm sorry. sorry for bitching out on you even if i know for a fact that you did nothing wrong. as much as possible i'm trying to keep that in mind. i'm very very sorry for hurting you..i didn't think that this would hit you real hard...and yeah, thanks so much for appreciating our friendship like this...no one ever ever did that for me..well, what can i say, you're one of a kind. :) hope this friendship lsts longer. i know, it's been my fault..but hey..i;'m trying to change, ain't i? thanks again for being there. it does mean a lot..i've never met anyone who's like really into a friendship like this. thanks. you're a gift of God. :)
wala lang.
[:music:] game of love - santana and michelle branch
[:mood :] erm. weird.
si ellen nakalimutan kung ano ibablog...ako naman d ko malaman kung ano ibablog ko...haha wala lang. :p
hm. iniisip ko yung sinabi ni pearl sakin kagabi...iniisip ko yung jprizal...ang dami kasing thoughts na na nastimulate sa brain ko sa discussion namin today. wala lang.
ayun. yung sinabi ni pearl. sabi niya..sabihin ko na raw. sabi ko ayoko pa..hindi ko siya mareach..at hangga't hindi ko siya mareach. hindi ko sasabihin. hangga't hindi siya nagpapakatotoo sa akin hindi ko sasabihin. hangga't naaasar ako sa kanya hindi ko sasabihin. hmp.
wala lang. bat kase ganun..konting isip ko lang sa kanya naaasar ako...hmp!! sabi ko magiging masaya na ko ngayon e. masaya naman ako..kase di ko pa siya nakikita ngayon araw na to..maya maya..ayan na. hm.
weekend na tomorrow. sabe nila may symposium whatever bukas yung IT thing...ewan basta...titingnan ko..gusto ko nga pumasok e..as far as i know kasama nga kami dun. basta. hehe saya.
ayun..sabe nila next year wala nang IT-IST..sabi nila ibang program na iooffer sa mga frosh...ano ba toh? bumababa na ba yung level ng ccs? o tumataas? anung mas maganda? yung amin o yung kanila? wala lang. changes nga naman. parang life.
*sabi po ni val ICT..ung isang val that is*
hm. sabi ko kay ellen *na katabi ko lang ngayon* miss ko na pumuntang sports..tapos tumambay..tapos magisip..tapos..wala lang..hm.
alam mo yung naiinis ka to the point na naiiyak ka na..wala lang...ayan natuwa sakin si ellen..hehe. er..walang kwentang post toh!! dhammet!! :p
*galit*
can you save me from myself?
[:music:] on the way down - ryan cabrera
[:mood :] down.
there was an earthquake yesterday of intensity 4-5 and i t kinda really freaked me out like..er..the chimes were going wild..
yesterday kinda meant something to me i don't know why...october 8..what's with? dunno. had my right ear pierced and..what else? well for me it meant something. it's an unneccessary pain which i chose to keep. it's like loving and transcending the pain. loving unconditionally and chosing to be happy despite the pain and the emptiness. transcending all of it so that i'll be up there instead, content with everything i have. :)
anyways, i went to school today for the syanad report which we were able to pull of with much grace *and she said we were prepared? damn what more if we really were?!* heh. kewl. anyways, i saw myk, ross, nathan and amiel hehe boylets!! haha joke.. nga pala, nagtatampo ako kay myk! *ya hear that?* ayaw nya manood ng shark tale!! haha joke..ok lng yun nuh..i unnerstend.
damn these mood swings are killing me! pahirap..hay. iba na talaga. wala lang. ayan wala na ko makuwento.
light after dark. :) woke up witht he sun shining. for a moment there i thought you'd come and give me a chance..turns out i was wrong again.
but things will change coz i've got faith that it will. one day.
*thinking of changing my ashes fall layout...watcha think?*
holding on to you
[:music:] on the way down by ryan cabrera
[:mood :] mixed emotions
lost for words. heh. pics nalang.
this reminds me of laguna..nung morning pag labas ko ang ganda ganda nung sikat ng araw...parang ganito..tapos..ang lamig ng hangin kahit nakatapat na ako sa araw..
Sick and tired of this world
There's no more air
Tripping over myself, going nowhere
Waiting, suffocating, no direction
I took a dive and
On the way down
I saw you, and you saved me from myself
And I won't forget the way you loved me
And on the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you
Been wondering why it's only me
Have you always been inside waiting to breathe
It's alright, sunlight on my face
I wake up and yet, I'm alive 'cuz
On the way down
I saw you, and you saved me from myself
And I won't forget the way you loved me
And on the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you
I was so afraid of going under
But now, the weight of the world
Feels like nothing, nothing
You're all I wanted
You're all I needed
You're all I wanted
You're all I needed
And I won't forget the way you loved me
All that I wanted, all that I needed and now
~ ryan cabrera on the way down
kiss the rain
just a little something for today. it's raining here on gokongwei and the various sights and sounds are filling my senses, electrifying and soothing at the same time. the tiny taps of the rain on the brick wall, the fake chirps of birds on a duck shooting game, the hum of students as the go about doing their thing, the tapping of my nails against the keyboards..
rose in the rain. fast asleep yet awake amidst the chaos. the hum strings of the guitar as the waltz with the fingers, sweet music that fills me with so much more than just sound..
seems like the rain cooled me off. i've been really annoyed at almost everyone today after waking up to a good day everything suddenly went wrong..but the rain tells me something. that God is here to watch over me, to take care of me and that he too is willing to shed tears for me. i miss the rain. the peace it brings. the silence, the comfort, the strength i find in the hope that the sun will rise again after the sky cries.
i miss him. i miss him a lot. i don't know why..or how..all i know is that i do. wala lang.
Hello
Can you hear me?
Am I gettin' through to you?
Hello
Is it late there?
There's a laughter on the line
Are you sure you're there alone?
'Cause I'm
Trying to explain
Something's wrong
You just don't sound the same
Why don't you
Go outside
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I'm gone, too long.
If your lips
Feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn.
Keep in mind
We're under the same sky
And the nights
as empty for me, as for you
If you feel
You can't wait till morning
Kiss the rain
Hello
Do you miss me?
I hear you say you do
But not the way I'm missing you
What's new?
How's the weather?
Is it stormy where you are?
You sound so close but it feels
like you're so far
Oh would it mean anything
If you knew
What I'm left imagining
In my mind
In my mind
Would you go
Kiss the rain
And you'd fall over me
Think of me
Only me
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I'm gone too long
If your lips
Feel lonely and tempted
Kiss the rain
and wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We're under the same sky
And the nights
As empty for me, as for you..
~ kiss the rain, billie myers
***
svet and i talked today and a little tiny bit of annoyance to the world faded away coz of that little bonding session this morning. :) hm. we've got a introdb project due tomorrow and i'm at it now..i was thinking about this thing i wanna do for this blog...everytime i'm gonna post, i'm gonna place pics that represent how i feel. ain't it cute? :) hehe..that's how bored i get that i'm actually finding other ways to express myself.
and you sang, but i knew it was never gonna be for me...
spread some light outside your window,
i'm still standing there
just like before
don't shut your door
coz i wanna love you.
take care of your heart
i don't wanna see it broken again
let me wait outside til the morning rise
don't feel guilty coz this is what i wanted
let me love you, just let me do.
you showed me the way out of the shadows
now let me show you God
please don't be afraid to take my hand
i won't take you that far,
just into the highest mountains
to show you the eternal sun.
you are everything i wanted and more
please don't fear this love
i have found to be sacred as i keep it
in the depths of my heart..
haha...just another love poem ;p
heavy skies
i'm showering sheena's blog with lotsa
comments!
I wanna live before I die
So don't say I have to cry on
One more freezing floor
I ask you to open the door
And see how things could have gone
The reason that it took so long
Before you could figure out
That for so long I was about to break
And there were no arms to keep me
From harming me and now I'm searchin back to see
How I never tried to ask for some sympathy
'cause no- nobody wants to ride with me too far
'cause I might trip away
But in your arms I'd rather stay
You might just turn into something I like
You might just turn into something I like
You might just turn into something I like
You might just turn into something I
Want to dream about
Something I can't live without
My foot is in your hand
I want you to understand
How I could be confused
Right after being used
But still your here in spite
When I close my eyes to dream at night
I've gotta keep my pants on
I gotta check my pulse before I've gone too far away
To hurt so i think I'll stay around to hear ya breath
Saying all those words to me
Unraveling my fantasy while I drink
My oleander tea
~ katy rose, i like
the notebook.
[:music:] humming of the air con in the lab
[:mood :] hungry.
java class. hehe. wala lang.
hm..i watched the notebook last saturday with ellen, myk, and svet. honestly the movie was aesthetically pretty. i mean, the casting was great, cinematography rocked, everything was nice...i guess except for the whole storyline. i read the book back in high school and i found it nice. watching the movie, though in this time and place made me vomit. it was totally predictable, and the love story was too perfect top even comprehend! i mean, the perfection in the whole movie was not real. somehow i wanted it to be more realistic, or close to what real life is. unfortunately i did not find that in the movie. the book was good. i remember really falling in love with the book (Jane made me read it) not only because of the story but also because of the poetic stuff embedded in the story. that was one thing the movie lost. they may have retained some lines but it quite wasn't enough. also, the antagonist factor was like..not an antagonist at all! i told you it was too perfect..
that night sheena and talked about the flick and she agreed with me. ya know that movie reminds us too much of what we would die for--someone to love us perfectly. thing is, it's not always like that. sometimes we have to stand alone. actually not sometimes. it's ALL THE TIME. yes, i am guilty of desperately wanting someone to love me but you know, sometimes, when life doesn't give you what you want, you learn to accept. funny how i'm talking like this when i'm so pissed about a few things
nowadays.
i realized something. i realized that this is what i feel right now.
vague? lemme explain. i feel like i'm at a stop on an intersection. everyone's going somewhere, either left or right, running after something..someone..when i wanna get to the other side. i can either go left or right along with the others but i can go straight--get to the other side and leave all the traffic behind. great, ain't it? i dunno...
oh well..
i'm dizzy as drunk could be
eleven on my clock
twelve in yours
time speeding so fast
when in your arms.
she's going down the drain
you're lost in her eyes
when i scratch my nails on the wall.
and you don't hear
crying tears on the floor
rain through doors.
jars of clay old and grey
crack and fall
like me when i call
you can't hear me.
you can't hear me.
