my melody
~* music:~* mood:i woke up to ellen's text message saying
Yo! Magandang hapon! =)) u awake? U at home? U busy? =))
and i was like, what? oh. didn't have load so i had to text her through chikka and ym. :p hehe. she came over for lunch, and we hung out, talked, and played huntsville til around 5:30. it was fuuun!! we got to talk about
people. harhar. >:)
yeah so i'm excited for tomorrow's course card distribution! even though i know what my grades are already. kj kase profs ko e. haha joke. ANYWAYS. i'm waiting for kitel's phone call. *yeah while i'm online..great val* i haven't talked to her for a long time now and i kinda miss her already. oh and i got to talk to my s19 girlfriends last night, kitel, andrea and pearl. :) i miss them. :D
well today was major fun. can't wait for what tomorrow will bring! :D
[ edit @ 11:54 p.m. ] so i wasn't able to watch CSI cuz the tv's dead *major sucks* so i watched
the perfect man on dvd. it was cute. :D i like hilary duff. haha! teeny bopper amp. wala lang. i liked the movie. cute siya. next target ko,
the devil wears prada. yeah. major cool movie of the year. :D i hope i get to watch it on the big screen. :D
i just wanna say
that i'm really happy right now and...i dunno. i can't believe what just happened though it's a no brainer. yeah. :)
i'm happy. :) and i hope it stays that way til...the rest of my life? harhar. :p gnyt people.
doesn't even hurt anymore
~* music: looking in the eyes of love - the corrs
~* mood: cool
i bet you can't live under the light
under the lanterns of secrets we've burnt
in the honor of tears i've shed for you.
i bet you can't wait to get on that wave
that will take you so far, and drown you
probably before the sun sets.
i will keep no promises. i will hold no words.
i live as long as the sun shines
and the winds breathe.
you walk away, the rain disappearing
from the sky, the sun shines
and this rainbow tells me that
it's better off that way.
you don't have to act like
you're the hero in all this;
you don't have to tell me
i don't have to hear the words
the endless apologies
the empty words, your clouded eyes
they all tell me the same thing.
you were blind. and i was deaf
to hear them saying that my efforts
were all in vain.
this isn't about love anymore.
this isn't even about me.
this is about you.
and how you manage to lose it
whenever i try to give it back.
i have a life! --focus!
~* music: wishing - hale
~* mood: creative!
i'm really happy by the way that today turned out to be. today was a success in the sense that we were able to accomplish what we had to accomplish plus a little bit more. :) yeah. *i just kinda wished that other people would be as enthusiastic about it as i am..huhu*
anyways. i was windowshopping at shang this afternoon and i mentioned to erik that
this place (shangri la mall)
makes me wanna marrry a wafu rich guy and he replies,
this place makes me wanna BE a wafu rich guy. come to think of it, yeah. harhar.
i saw one of our...how would you call it? common crushes today. erik said he looked pathetic. wahaha! but he was cute. makes me remember one of the stupidest things i've ever done in my whole life. then makes me remember one of the most bangag *but UBERLY funny* things that mimah did in her whole life. =)) speaking of mimah, i miss her. then suddenly, she buzzed me. yeah. :D
so anyway, i was bitten by the inspiration bug so...here. :)
click on the preview to see the full scale image. :) i dedicate this to ms. sangil who inspired us all in her passion and love for the arts. naks! haha! thanks to rafi for the lovely brushes! I MISS MY ENGLTRI FRIENDS!!! :D
anyways. :) i'm really happy and thankful and inspired so i hope this lasts until the new term. :D yeah. i ♥ life.
until the sun dies
i sat out on the porch, a warm cup of coffee in my hands. i thought of last night. i thought of the fire that burned when i said those hateful words. i thought of how much--or how little you've left me with whenever i asked something of you.
i looked at the horizon, the dying light of the sun sending rays up to the clouds shrouded in the dark blue of the coming night. i missed you. i missed you so bad but apparently you did not feel the same way. sometimes i wish the sky would swallow me up. because sometimes i don't know who's the one to blame. i can't trust myself anymore. it's scary when it comes to that point. when i'm so lost in my rage that i don't see you anymore. it's like, there was a whole new universe placesd between us everytime you talk like that. everytime you'd hide away. everytime you shut me out of your world.
i've seen you walk away too many times. to the point that i'd never notice the door open and close anymore. i wish you hadn't. i wish you'd stop doing this because everytime you do, it becomes all crazy. it defies every word you said. every word you said suddenly becomes so empty and meaningless. that's the part when i start to cry because i realize that this is all a joke. that you never meant anything. ANYTHING. but then again it doesn't matter now because you're in that "gone" state again. you're in that state when you're like a million miles away from me, and you won't say a word, not a word about anything we've ever done. because you live inside secrets. you live inside whispered words and closed doors. i can't do that. i just can't do that anymore. because fire needs to breathe. the flames need the air to move them to their dance. i'm not like you. i'm not like the still waters that only ripple at the winds. i needed my freedom. and having you in my life just doesn't give me enough room to fly.
i keep wishing for that day when i'd see the real you. until then i'm trying. until then, i'm still the one to watch you walk away.
i didn't notice when tears fell. the sun was dying. and so was i.
typical
~* music: sabihin mo na - top suzara
~* mood: uber bored
i bummed around all day which is typical for a term break-slash-weekend day. :\ i finally finished reading that new book i bought,
i was a teenage fairy by francesca lia block. ima read
the five people you meet in heaven next. i borrowed it from val/
scorpionflare. oh and i watched tv this evening. TV!! matagal na akong hindi nagbabad sa tv. i was watching AXN earlier, and i was able to catch a few good shows like
dr. house and
numb3rs.
anyway. i so wanna graduate and get out of the here and now. it's starting to be so pathetic. :(
i'm just really sad right now. i miss my friends. i miss our laughter.
___
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken...
walking alone
i've tried time and again
to traverse this road on which i trespassed
your life, your love, your everything.
and everytime i'd walk on
you'd just walk ahead, look away,
leave, shut me out, go away.
you never waited, you never heard me
when i asked you to stay
when i asked you to leave the light on.
it hurts to know that we've been so close
but you were millions of miles away
while i dreamt on about us
and you broke those dreams.
now you're telling me i haven't moved an inch
when i'm on the other side of the road
how could you do this to me?
how could you even try?
how come you couldn't see that
i've made it this far and that i'm living my life
how come you couldn't see that
i was always the one to watch you walk away?___
i wanna fly away. i wanna fly away from now.
i wanted to fly but i've broken my wings.
great
~* music: sabihin mo na - top suzara
~* mood: let down
just fucking great.
WALK AWAY. jan ka naman magaling diba?
major annoyance
~* music: leave (get out) - jojo
~* mood: SUPER FUCKING ANNOYED
well this day didn't turn out to be the way it was supposed to be cuz some effin people managed to ruin my fucking day by being so fucking
DENSE.you know just thinking about it makes me want to cry right now. kase naman no, simpleng tanong di magawang sagutin. GRR!! major kakainis. i mean, masama ba magask ng kahit onting time para makasama yung tao?! shet sori for trying ah?! grr!! i mean, gawd, if you don't wanna tell me where you are then fine! sabihin mong ayaw mo ipaalam, wag mong iwasan yung topic punyeta hindi naman ako mahirap kausapen diba?! it's not like i didn't tell you yesterday that i wanted to spend time with you today. GRR!!
i went back to school at around three para hanapin siya eh wala naman siya so...yun. sayang. :(
i guess no words could describe the really mad feeling i have right now. i'm frustrated, pissed, annoyed, and...well, get a thesaurus and go figure. you know what sucks the most? the person who caused all this doesn't even give a damn. how nice. grr.
inspired
~* music: buttons - PCD
~* mood: high
and i hope this will last for the rest of my life. :D harhar. or until thesis ends. yeah.
wish me luck!!
p.s. this is what i said when mimah asked me what my
term break plans were:
thesis. company visits and interviews. in between that, gawa ng documents. in between that, manood ng dvds and magbasa ng books.
it's pretty much a very boring, no brainer plan.but...
it's still a plan. jemmet!!! haha!
everything
~* music: everything - lifehouse
~* mood: senti
watching buildings and roads pass by
on the train, catching the sunshine on my face,
the light glinting in my eyes.
i wish you were here.while i breathe in the city
while i breathe out thoughts of you.
while everything passes by so quickly
like time
like time.
the sun rests over the clouds
and i smile because it reminds me of you
sunshine.
the light under water, the reflections of dreams
and warm embrace of the wind.
you are here with me at this moment
i think of you.
you are hereyou live with me
breathe with me
and wherever i go
you are with me.
whatever
~* music: invisible - ashlee simpson
~* mood: pagod, naiinis, nagugutom!! haha
so this day pretty much got fucked up. :( went to school, was supposed to get the artapre course cards but wasn't able to cuz when we went to the faculty room *twice!!* the goddess wasn't there. :( sadness. and...marchus' birthday bash was delayed cuz people had to present their thesis and there were lotsa stuff to do and well, bottomline is that marchus wasn't there when we celebrated. kinda. that sucked. well anyways.
we *ellen, erik, me* were pretty much bad trip at certain times of the day and...yun. nakakainis lang na hindi kami masaya today. it was supposed to be fun, but certain people/things just had to ruin it. ANYWAY. belated happy birthday, marchus. :D hehe. in fairness kahit wala kami sa mood, may bluetooth moments paren kame. wahaha!
oh and we got our contact prints today! aliw. mejo. haha. iba pala itsura pag naprint na at pag nasa computer pa. mas maganda pag naprint na. hehe. so...ellen and erik were like...oh you look like a...bitch *next picture* bitch..*next picture* bitch..*next picture*..bitch paren eh!! haha! bwiset. pero i like it naman. :D hehe.
anyways. may thesis thing kami bukas. i hope it would be a better day tomorrow. :) yeah.
___
nakakainis pag wala kang kausap pero gusto mo ng kausap pero wala ka talagang makausap kase wala silang lahat para kausapin ka. wala lang.
it could've been better.
i hate this.
~* music: kiss the rain
~* mood: naiinis. sobra
the algocom final exam was hard. i'm sure i flunked it. grr. appsdev was fun! i think we all got a high grade for that. :D at least that's one thing to be happy about. i'm glad i got to hang with the gang today. i miss them a lot not just cuz we didn't see each other for two days but because we've been too stressed to really have fun, you know?
anyway.
right now i'm...kinda...feeling really bad cuz of some things that...well...how could i put it? demons coming back to haunt me. yeah. there are some things i have to face and right now it feels so fucking annoying that i have to do this right now when it's the fucking term break and i wanna rest but i can't cuz there's much to do yet. yes. grr. i just wanna hit someone hard right now. or cry. just cry until it hurts, you know? :( i hate this. i really fucking hate this. i hate it when you have no other fucking choice but to face the damn thing and get it over with. i hate having to face all the consequences of the wrong choices i made. I HATE NOT GETTING WHAT I WANT CUZ I MADE THE FUCKING WRONG CHOICES I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE ANYWAY. punyeta!!! grr!! sobrang naiinis lang talaga ako. :(
i wanna go away. i wanna get away from all this. cuz i'm fucking tired. i just wanna start over, you know? but sometimes you can't. sometimes it's there and you can't fucking do anything about it anymore. grr.
:(
i think i need to sleep this off. :(
____
like fire and water
like the wind against the rain
freefalling and turning, twisting
in this storm of love and hate.
i'm lost and i can't get through
i'm lost and all i wanna do
is hold on to you.
i love change. don't you?
~* music: everything - lifehouse
~* mood: malamiiig!!!
finals tomorrow. algocom at 11:30 and appsdev at 3:00. effshet. i'm actually excited about it. i am so freaking weird.
i am so freaking glad this term is over. but then again, there's a lot of things i'm gonna miss. :( cathy is graduating at the end of this term. so are the on-time ST batch of catch 2T7. not that close kami or anything. i just feel like...aww gagraduate na sila...that's it. grr i'm not gonna see cathy around anymore. sad. :( oh but i'm sure i'm gonna see her around sa mga gigs. speaking of gigs, i need to get around more often. hehe. yeah so i plan on doing a movie marathon this coming term break. and! i so wanna get my hands on that one tree hill collection. :D eek! gawd just give me anything interesting to watch this coming term break! what else? mm oh right i'm gonna study .Net! amp. well VB's already installed on kanuha so why not, right? :) yaz. come first term, THESIS nanaman. yes, we have to face the demons of our past. amp. XD sabog.
so lately my mind's been empty *no, not in the brain dead sense*...in the sense that wala na ko masyado iniisip. it's nice, actually. everything's...lighter. nax. :)) i guess i finally got my wake up call to get a grip and set things straight. :) yeees val. i just hope it lasts until like...the rest of my life *copyright erik!*. argh. speaking of the lollipops, i miss them. we've been too stressed to do anything fun so...i wanna karaoke! :D hehe. i'm gonna get mimah to sing! that's like, one of my missions in life. haha! anyways. i'll leave you guys with this:
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental,
To reach out for another is to risk involvement,
To expose one's feelings is to risk exposing one's true self,
To place ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk ridicule,
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure,
And yet the person who risks nothing,
Does nothing, has nothing, and ultimately becomes nothing.
___
i've risked, i've failed, i've been broken. but hey. i'm still alive, right? :)
rain drenched
~* music: invisible - ashlee simpson
~* mood: cold and sleepy
i just watched elektra on star movies and i think jennifer garner is hawt. :D she kicks ass. literally. she's one of my favorite actresses, by the way. :D
today was a drag. i woke up at two in the afternoon after having slept for more than 12 hours. nyaha! i love catching up on my sleep. lovely. anyways. i did the laundry this afternoon cuz our maid's out for the week. huhu. and yes, it's raining right now so...that sucks. i do not like the rain. rawr.
my mood is so rain drenched. i'm freaking bored, and i haven't studied for the exams on tuesday yet. :( i had a weird dream. freaky weird. really freaky weird. then i went back to sleep. when i woke up, i was crying. demmet. :\ i hate weird dreams.
anyways. i gotta get up early tomorrow to study. sucks. owells. one more day til the term break officially starts for me. that's a good thing, right? yeah.
i still hate appsdev.
ang daming aaralin, ang daming reports! jemmet. at least the algocom exam is open notes, open everything. rawr.
i hope tomorrow the sun shines.
da blah
~* music: sober - jennifer paige
~* mood: pagod at inaantok
puno ng halo-halong inis, saya, lungkot, asar, pagkamuhi, tuwa, at kabangagan ang linggo na ito. hindi ko alam kung san ako magsisimula. ang alam ko lang, masaya ako
somehow. keyword: somehow. :p
saturday pala ngayon. sa tuesday finals sa APPSDEV AND ALGOCOM. bwiset. baket kase sa iisang araw nilagay lahat. :s
term end nanaman. in a way masaya ako na it's done. kinakabahan din ako for next term. kinakabahan na naeexcite. ang kulet ko ba. lage ko nalang yun sinasabe. :p hehe
anyways. bakit ako dito nagbablog? ewan ko. di ko alam. haha tagal ko na kasing di nagbablog dito nabubulok na siya. wawa naman. anyways. pink nanaman. hehe. di pa ko nakakagawa ng panibagong template for blogger so...yun. tinatamad pa ko. actually, wala lang akong maisip na song para sa theme. rawr. kaya yun.
so...coffee and dreams. baket coffee and dreams. kase...mahilig ako sa coffee. :D and mahilig ako managinip. haha joke.
i believe that dreams are inside coffee cups. basta. hirap explain. yun na yun. haha weird.
ito yung dahilan kung bakit ayaw kitang makita e. ito yung dahilan kung bakit ayaw kitang tingnan. kase alam kong humihigit sa kahit anong damdamin ang pagmamahal.
invisible.
~* music: invisible - ashlee simpson
~* mood: loathing you
so lately it's been too crazy, seems like nothing's changed at all. see that the light has died out now in my eyes and the happy gasoline has run out on me again. i am in the middle of nowhere, just this straight road leading to somewhere. with my hands on the wheel and you on my mind i look up at the sunless sky where the crescent moon faintly sighs. yes, i am in a mess but i look forward to tomorrow, just as i had for the last three years. i'm making a mess now, doesn't it show? but i'd love to dance with you again. i long to hold you and feel nothing but passion. i long to kiss you and feel myself get lost in your tiny universe where i can't breathe. yes, i still want to feel trapped and dead and not breathing. and after that death i want to rise again, flames lit in glory as i gracefully fall back into reality. i want to fall. i want you to consume me til it hurts, just so that i can start over. go back to the beginning to rise and burn again. burn so deeply that i could taste life. i want to burn. in your arms. in your want. in you.
